"Taste and smell are sometimes stronger than sight. These are a means to soothe homesickness in other spaces and a different time."

 

My mother used to cook pancakes for me on rainy days. Potato pancake is one of many kinds of pancakes made by her.

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When I came home after school, my mother sometimes cooked the prepared potato pancake batter right away. She always says pancakes are delicious when it's freshly made. My mother grated potatoes hard, so her wrists were throbbing. However, she was pleased to see me eating the pancakes. 

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After graduating from university, I moved to Germany and lived alone. I cooked many things, but in the end, I mainly cooked Korean food. I missed the taste of my home and my mother's love. Thanks to the Internet, I got to know many recipes, but potato pancakes were rarely satisfactory. No matter how hard I tried, it didn't taste like my mother's ones.

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This year my mother was diagnosed with heart failure. When I heard the news on the phone, I hung up in a hurry, saying everything would be all right. As soon as I hung up, I searched for what heart failure was. All I could find was fearsome words such as "more dangerous than cancer," "sudden death" and "high death rate". I wasn't prepared for anything. I'm still not prepared for a such thing. However, it's certain that I don't know when she leaves me. It's also more likely to happen earlier than expected.

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Since then, I cherish everything related to my mother more than before. I try to digitize her love, my childhood memories through her recipe. I can cook potato pancakes whenever I want to eat. However, it can never be the same as mother's. When I go back to Korea, I want to cook potato pancakes for her. Just like my mother, who is happy to see me eating pancakes even if her wrists are sore, I want to grind the potatoes hard and serve her potato pancakes.

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Have you ever had homesickness? Have you ever missed someone so much? What is your potato pancake? I hope you cook my mother's potato pancake on weekend afternoon to make memories with your beloved ones. Maybe it's someone else's childhood, or it's an indicator of love.